On Thursday I spent the evening with a very close friend of mine and with someone who was never a close friend but we can always relate to each other when we are together. We spent hours talking about life, about the things that really matter. We shared our struggles and our joys; it was an evening of vulnerability of openess and of honesty. I cannot tell you how much this evening meant to me, the fellowship was amazing. There was no judgement and no suggestions for quick fixes, it was purely listening and understanding. There are not many people whom I have been able to be so brutally honest with and it was truly a breath of fresh air for my wary soul. I left that evening with a renewed sense of hope for my life, I no longer feel alienated and alone. I can see that this epidmic of struggling is not just found in me but rather if we were to look around we would see that it is an epidemic of struggling found within the "church" I use that term lightly because I am unsure whether I would be considered a part of the church by the "church members" any longer, regardless I feel I still am a vital part of this body of Christ.

Something we spoke about while we were together was the idea of the symptom and the root of the problem. Often we are directed to fix the symptom but the problem is that even if that symptom were to disappear the root of the symptom would still remain and another symptom would reappear. If we ignore the root we really aren't treating anything and we won't ever really feel better. We will never feel free and liberated if we don't get down to the root. This is not going to be a quick fix in fact it will be a long drawn out process of years, most likely your whole life but I truly believe that journey will be worth it. I desire to see a change in mindset in my generation we are literally whithering away into our struggles unaware of what this is doing to the state of our generation. One by one we are falling down denouncing our faith because we think that is the root of the feeling of oppression when really that's a symptom; there is something much deeper going on here much much deeper.

Now that I am realizing this I really need to do something but that is where I am stuck. I guess I need to start exploring the root of my symptoms. This is gonna hurt but I'm just beginning to believe that it really is worth it.

Starbucks

Every Friday afternoon I pick Carlos up from work at Chinook Mall. My weekly routine is to get to the mall ten minutes early, run into the mall and get a grande non-fat, sugar-free, vanilla tea misto with grean tea. Every time I go there the same people are working, and they are having so much fun together. I look at them and I envy them, singing and talking and charming every single customer. At the same time that I envy them I feel uncomfortable. It bothers me that I feel uncomfortable, I avoid eye contact I feel awkward if they try and charm me, it's not like they are trying to "pick me up" they are simply being nice to their customers.

Why does it make me feel so uncomfortable??

Africa

I have always had a heart for Africa. It has always been my dream to go there and to do something worthwhile. It's one of the major reasons I wanted to be in a medical profession. I'll be honest though, I really had no idea what the state of Africa really was, politically, physically, or emotionally. The more Carlos tells me about it the more my heart breaks for that continent. This morning I am very close to tears at the news of yet another assassination in the country of Guinea-Bissau. Last night the General of the army was targeted and killed apparently under the orders of he President and just hours laterthe president was shot dead in his home, this comes after months of unrest in the country.

Carlos called this morning on his way to work to tell me the news. He said he was so happy about it because now the country would be free from the opressing power of the president. While I completely understand his joy in the situation I can't help but be very saddened. I don't think this will be the end of this story. There will be far and reaching consequences of todays events and they will never end. What will it take to bring that country to peace, to bring that continent to peace? It's such a sad history and yet nothing can be done, I want to be optimistic but looking at the history that is very hard to do. Just like Robert Mugabe this president was once good and the people liked him at one time but as the years went by power got the best of him and he became corrupt as well. So as I look to the future I wonder how long he bliss will last for the people of Guinea-Bissau.

I am not only saddened because this situation had to come to a presidential assassination but because I am close friends with the nephew of that president. He lives here because of the risk to his life due to his uncle. What a tragedy in his life. Yes the president was a terrible leader but he was also a husband, father, uncle, and brother, I feel for his loved ones and my friend. I am constantly wondering the emotions that my friend is going through but dare nor speak of it because he is trying hard to have a life here among people who despise his uncle and so I will be silent while my heart is breaking inside.

Please pray for this country, I hope God has a great plan but that's all I can do is hope.