A New Year, A New Day, A New Beginning

Well it's 2009 and I can hardly believe 2008 is blown by us already. It's been a year of change, recognition, redemption, and love. I have really enjoyed this past year, it's been hard but very good for me. The start of my nursing program has been the biggest accomplishment in my life because it is me walking out my dreams.

On another note, with 2009 comes new resolutions. You know the ones people make and never keep? Yeah those are what I'm talking about, but along with the resolution comes the resolution to keep your resolution. Just a long winding road but the resolutions always bring you one step closer to what it is you want to achieve so I don't discredit them. Dream, and resolute to your hears desire.

For me I decided to take a step closer to a healthy me. Healthy in every way, spiritually by beginning to see myself as a whole person directly connected to God; mentally by really engaging in my studies; emotionally by letting myself feel again; and physically by lifestyle changes in diet and exercise. I'm really excited to see where this resolution takes me. What I am even more excited about is that I am embarking on a journey with my mom and my sister.

My sister was my hero growing up, I liked everything she liked and wanted to do everything she did. I treated her kids as my own and they are still a huge part of who I am today, but as I grew up and life took us both on very different paths we grew apart. My mom has always been a vital part of my life, she read to me, nurtured me and was there for me in every way she knew how and I am so grateful for who she has been in my life.

We are doing our own "Biggest Loser" and although we're miles apart its something that we can do together and celebrate together. I'm so very excited to have a new chapter with my sister and my mom and my prayer is that this would bring us closer than ever.

A New Perspective

I have been having a wonderful visit home for Christmas. One of my best yet I think. I have been able to see everyone I wanted to see and also be able to spend adequate time with my parents. A balance I have never been able to achieve while being home.

The past 3 or so weeks I have had an increasing feeling that my life is in constant change and motion. No matter how much I believe that I am all settled down life is constantly changing and moving and I am constantly feeling like I'm being left behind. Balance has been something I have always desired but something I have never been able to grasp or live out.

There are so many things that I have processed or begun processing lately and I am once again left wondering where am I in the midst of this life? I mean I am right here but in the search of trying to find myself have I only hid myself thinking that it was really me? And if that's the case what was I hiding from or rather WHO was I hiding from?

After reading the novel "The Shack" I have a deeper understanding of who God is in the midst of my life right now and this new understanding is making it easier for me to once again approach the throne of my Father. I am slowly walking towards him one baby step at a time and although it's scary for me right now I know that He is my Redeemer.

He is touching my soul, holding my hand, and whispering in my ear and I am learning to recognize his presence. He is so good, so merciful, so gracious, so gentle, so patient, so loving, and so much more. I am in awe of Him, and his forgiveness in my life.

My prayer for this year is that I would begin to face my demons, to fight the thorn in my flesh and face myself. Would you join me in an incredible journey and adventure?

THE SHACK

I'm currently reading a book that is turning my entire universe on its head. It is transforming my world with each word. It has been a long time since I have read a book that has had such an impact on my soul. I am finally coming to a place where I feel ok with stepping into the love of God and this book is ushering me in deeper.

I had an idea that in order to be loved by God again, to feel Him again I needed to make drastic life changes. I now see He has never left and never will and that He still works through every movement, every word and every decision in my life.

If you get the chance read "The Shack" by WM. Paul Young let it transform your own theology.

1 Broken Car
1 Missing Boyfriend
1 Broken Stove
= a very bad week

Looking forward to the end of it, and going home for Christmas.

Update Much?

I have been on a whirlwind the past month.

1) Stressing over Zoology thinking I needed a C to pass the class. Today I found out a D is a passing grade. I'm good for that

2) Writing papers in an entirely different format and style than what I'm used to.

3) Adjusting to being alone for a while because Carlos is suffering Saskatchewan weather for money.

In the midst of it all I've been learning more about myself. While I was studying, writing papers, reading etc. I found that I was constantly drawn to Facebook. I used to love Facebook but the more I used it the more I found distaste in it. I realized that I was using Facebook as a conversation starter, "oh did you see that so and so is doing this and that?" I would spend stupid amounts of time writing on people's walls, "we should definitely get together". I would make sure that every single picture I took was posted. In the midst of studying for Zoology, though, I got fed up. I went and deleted it! I couldn't believe what I was doing, Facebook is so "in" what was I thinking? I was thinking that friendships don't flourish on Facebook, but rumors do, I was thinking that I'm desperately longing for a friendship that isn't grounded, rooted, and relying on Facebook. I want to be real and I'm afraid that doesn't really happen on Facebook. That's ok with me though, I'm fine without it and I'm surprised to feel a relief with not having it. I feel like I cut 40 pounds off my back.

Now on to being alone. I've always thought of myself as a very independent person, and in fact I was a very independent person. Since I've been with Carlos though I find that I rely on him for things that I used to do all by myself, things I wouldn't even think twice about. I've never noticed it so clearly as this last week. Saturday night/Sunday morning I was woken up with the most excruciating pain in my chest. I layed in bed and just cried because I didn't know what else to do. I wanted someone there to hug me and make me feel better or take me to the hospital if need be. I layed there thinking I'm all alone right now, there is absolutely no one around, what would I do if it was more serious? I don't have family here, and I barely have any good friends anymore. If I have ever said I felt lonely before I take it back because that is the loneliest I have ever felt. Then this morning my car gets stuck at 6:30 am, I have an exam to get to, and no one around to help me. I almost had a nervous break down. Then after my exam I was so elated about how it went and I automatically thought to call Carlos but couldn't, and again felt alone.

I don't write all this to make you feel sorry for me. Instead I write it to say that in the midst of my temporary loneliness I have never felt so blessed to have someone who is there for me no matter what. I have never felt so much like I was made for him and he was made for me than I have this week. I have never been so reassured of something like I have this week. I know that goes against a lot of beliefs because we live together. Seriously though it doesn't even matter. We fit and we love, and we live, and we laugh. There is nothing like it.

Hope of a nation

Barack Obama.....

I don't care who you are, what you believe in, who you voted for or would have voted for, there is no way you can deny that this man is powerful. There is something about this man that has ignited my soul again, his rhetoric, his faith, his hope, his love. When this all began so long ago with Hilary Clinton and Barack Obama going head to head I said time and time again Obama will win. At that point I didn't know much about him, I didn't know what he stood for, and I had absolutely no idea the impact he would have, but I knew it would be him.

Everything I see on TV, everything I watch on You Tube brings me to tears. It's really taken me by surprise because I have been numb for so long to everything. I watch the United States come together in unity. I see young people rising up, calling for change and believing it can happen. Not only believing it can happen but wanting to be a part of that. No longer are they filled with apathy, but they are rising. I know a lot of people feel that Obama could in fact be the one to bring the world crashing down. They think because Oprah Winfrey endorses Obama (and of course she must be the anti-Christ) then Obama must have a part in destroying the Earth.

Yet when I look and observe at what is going on around me; in the US, in Canada and in fact all over the world as people everywhere, from every race, and every background celebrate the victory of President Elect Barack Obama we are coming together. It gives me incredible hope for this nation, for this world, and for this church. Could what is going on in US in fact be a foreshadowing of what the church will become? There are no arguments, and there are no claims of perfection, there is a humble claim that "WE can." Not I, not YOU, but WE. Could the church really unite like this, could we put all of our differences aside and agree that the only thing that matters is HIM and HIS will on this Earth. Not our own selfish desires, or ideals about how the church should be, or how the people in the church should be. It's about HIM. I will hold onto that, I will run with that, and I will seek him, and I will pray for Obama because I know, I sense, that change is very close on the horizon and great things are about to happen.

Let me make it clear that I don't think of Obama as "the new messiah." I do believe that God can and will use him and I am eagerly awaiting the outcome of that.

Go to Youtube and watch

"American Prayer"
"Yes We Can"
We Are the Ones"

I think you will be moved

The change of a Nation??

The following are excerpts from Barack Obama's speech give on Tuesday. It is a speech that touched me, and I'm still pondering. For now I just want to post this, later will come my thoughts. Enjoy, and don't read it as you know it to be, read it with fresh eyes.


It’s the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Latino, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled – Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been a collection of Red States and Blue States: we are, and always will be, the United States of America.

It’s the answer that led those who have been told for so long by so many to be cynical, and fearful, and doubtful of what we can achieve to put their hands on the arc of history and bend it once more toward the hope of a better day.

I just received a very gracious call from Senator McCain. He fought long and hard in this campaign, and he’s fought even longer and harder for the country he loves. He has endured sacrifices for America that most of us cannot begin to imagine, and we are better off for the service rendered by this brave and selfless leader. I congratulate him and Governor Palin for all they have achieved, and I look forward to working with them to renew this nation’s promise in the months ahead.

I would not be standing here tonight without the unyielding support of my best friend for the last sixteen years, the rock of our family and the love of my life, our nation’s next First Lady, Michelle Obama. Sasha and Malia, I love you both so much, and you have earned the new puppy that’s coming with us to the White House. And while she’s no longer with us, I know my grandmother is watching, along with the family that made me who I am. I miss them tonight, and know that my debt to them is beyond measure.

But above all, I will never forget who this victory truly belongs to – it belongs to you.

I was never the likeliest candidate for this office. We didn’t start with much money or many endorsements. Our campaign was not hatched in the halls of Washington – it began in the backyards of Des Moines and the living rooms of Concord and the front porches of Charleston.

It was built by working men and women who dug into what little savings they had to give five dollars and ten dollars and twenty dollars to this cause. It grew strength from the young people who rejected the myth of their generation’s apathy; who left their homes and their families for jobs that offered little pay and less sleep; from the not-so-young people who braved the bitter cold and scorching heat to knock on the doors of perfect strangers; from the millions of Americans who volunteered, and organized, and proved that more than two centuries later, a government of the people, by the people and for the people has not perished from this Earth. This is your victory.

You did it because you understand the enormity of the task that lies ahead. For even as we celebrate tonight, we know the challenges that tomorrow will bring are the greatest of our lifetime – two wars, a planet in peril, the worst financial crisis in a century. Even as we stand here tonight, we know there are brave Americans waking up in the deserts of Iraq and the mountains of Afghanistan to risk their lives for us. There are mothers and fathers who will lie awake after their children fall asleep and wonder how they’ll make the mortgage, or pay their doctor’s bills, or save enough for college. There is new energy to harness and new jobs to be created; new schools to build and threats to meet and alliances to repair.

The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even one term, but America – I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there. I promise you – we as a people will get there.

There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who won’t agree with every decision or policy I make as President, and we know that government can’t solve every problem. But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree. And above all, I will ask you join in the work of remaking this nation the only way it’s been done in America for two-hundred and twenty-one years – block by block, brick by brick, calloused hand by calloused hand.

So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism; of service and responsibility where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves, but each other. Let us remember that if this financial crisis taught us anything, it’s that we cannot have a thriving Wall Street while Main Street suffers – in this country, we rise or fall as one nation; as one people.

Let us resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long. Let us remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House – a party founded on the values of self-reliance, individual liberty, and national unity. Those are values we all share, and while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress. As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, “We are not enemies, but friends…though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection.” And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn – I may not have won your vote, but I hear your voices, I need your help, and I will be your President too.

Ann Nixon Cooper is 106 years old.

She was born just a generation past slavery; a time when there were no cars on the road or planes in the sky; when someone like her couldn’t vote for two reasons – because she was a woman and because of the color of her skin.

And tonight, I think about all that she’s seen throughout her century in America – the heartache and the hope; the struggle and the progress; the times we were told that we can’t, and the people who pressed on with that American creed: Yes we can.

At a time when women’s voices were silenced and their hopes dismissed, she lived to see them stand up and speak out and reach for the ballot. Yes we can.

When there was despair in the dust bowl and depression across the land, she saw a nation conquer fear itself with a New Deal, new jobs and a new sense of common purpose. Yes we can.

When the bombs fell on our harbor and tyranny threatened the world, she was there to witness a generation rise to greatness and a democracy was saved. Yes we can.

She was there for the buses in Montgomery, the hoses in Birmingham, a bridge in Selma, and a preacher from Atlanta who told a people that “We Shall Overcome.” Yes we can.

A man touched down on the moon, a wall came down in Berlin, a world was connected by our own science and imagination. And this year, in this election, she touched her finger to a screen, and cast her vote, because after 106 years in America, through the best of times and the darkest of hours, she knows how America can change. Yes we can.