Wednesday, May 14, 2008

So small....

Well I have had a wonderful week of catching up with old friends and being encouraged. I love when that happens and it's not happening nearly as often as it used to for me. That's really just a side note.

I was driving to work today and the news came on the radio, they were talking about the big cyclone that hit Burma last week (I think that's when it happened). They were talking about how many people had died, as far as they knew and the estimated number who were now homeless.... in the millions! I was so overwhelmed, I think more overwhelmed than I have ever been. Millions of people homeless.... how in the world can people help them? They are just starting to allow some international help, and I heard yesterday that only 20 percent of the international aid that is being sent is being allowed in the country, and no aid workers are allowed in yet. It's always been my dream to obtain a career where I will be able to help people, more specifically help the very less fortunate in other countries. Now since dating an African who comes from the top five poorest countries in the world I am even more driven to do so. Hearing stories of how medicine costs a fortune, and babies are very prone to sickness but usually parish because of the cost of medicine. If only I could go now....

But as I listened to the radio this morning I couldn't help but think "who is one person?" What can I possibly do to help, I am only one person, one person who is incredibly flawed, more so than I ever thought actually. I wondered how my dream will play out and will it ever make a difference? I see disaster falling all around us, the cyclone in Burma, and probably one more on the way in a few more days, then the Earthquake in China... will the madness ever stop? I doubt it. Are we destined for disaster? Are we being punished, or are our eyes being opened? How big is God really? Can He solve this? And what is our part in it all.

My boyfriend has a saying in his langauge, "Deus I Grande" It means God is bigger. We as a couple hold onto that saying every day, and repeat again and again. Carlos constantly reminds me that nothing is impossible with God. When I am filled with doubt, will I get that job, will I be able to work my way through University?, Will I actually get into University?, Will I be able to fulfill my dreams? Will this tough time ever pass... With that he responds "I Na Passa, Deus I Grande" It will pass because God is bigger. God is bigger than what? Then my present situation, then my feelings of despair, then my debt, then anything I can imagine, He simply is bigger. But as I drove to work reflecting on not my present situation but the world's present situation. The Lord's Resistance Army in Northern Uganda and Southern Sudan, The degrading of women in Islam usually by female circumcision and other brutalities in places like Somalia and Egypt, The war on "terror" (AKA the Oil War) in Afghanastan and Iraq. There's so much more, what are we to do? Is God really bigger than all of this?? What about the thousands of Immigrants in Canada who are denied medical attention because they don't yet have their residency and can't afford to pay for all the procedures, they try to make a better life but are refused of that because they weren't born here. What is going on with us? And who will help us all?

Were we not all made in the same image? Are we not all loved with the same unconditional love? Yet we take everything forgranted in this country, and many other countries. We look around the world and see despair, yet close our eyes to our own despair. When will change happen? How will it happen? I admit I am full of doubt, doubt that God is really bigger than this all, doubt in human kind, but in the end I am forced to go to my foundation. The foundation of my life that I once thought could no longer sustain my brutality to it, I am realizing that this foundation is indestructable. It is the only thing in the world that can never be destroyed. I will try and hold on to Him, and I will repeat to myself "I Na Passa, Deus I Grande." He is here even when we are blind, and He will come through.