Ramblings of a frustrated student

I'm not really sure what I want to write today. I just know that in the midst of homework, work, and home life I need an out. Something to relax me, something to make me step back and take a real look at life. The past year I've failed miserably at writing, probably because when I write I find truth. Truth about the world, truth about God, and most horrifying; truth about myself.

It's time to face it though, on an ongoing basis, I need to do it or I'm going to go crazy. Well I'm in the last part of my fourth week of classes at the University of Calgary. Wow I am a University student... WHAT THE!?!? It's true that dreams can come true. The biggest dream of my life is now in effect, wow.....

But things don't always go exactly how you want them too. There always seems to be a hook somewhere, something to make life harder than you thought it would be. For me it's having to work at the same time as go to school. I thought I would be able to do this no problem, was I ever WRONG! It's killing me, slowly but surely. By the time I get home either after work or after school I have to tidy up (cause Lord knows I CANNOT study in a mess) then I have to get supper ready, then I eat, then I clean up supper and then it's 7:30 and I have at least 3 hours of homework and reading to do each night, and that is the bare minimum, not including study time which is absolutely necessary in order to pass these classes. But I NEVER get it all done because I'm so exhausted that I physically can't open another book. I had no idea nursing was such an intense and tough course, it really wouldn't have changed my decision had I known, but it would have been nice to prepare for it. I've been sick for a week, still getting over it but I really doubt that's going to happen soon. This is definitely the hardest thing physically, emotionally, mentally, that I have ever done in my life. It's all thanks to the Alberta Government who gave me 160.00 for a student loan.... thanks a lot, I'll pay you back with my next paycheque. There is no words to describe my frustration.

The government wants/NEEDS more nurses, more doctors, more EVERYTHING yet they are not willing to put the money into good education. Instead they are producing students who are constantly fatigued, who can barely keep themselves going, who can barely make it to class, yet who have to work in order to do so. It makes absolutely no sense to me. They encourage you to work while your in school, well I have two jobs in order to be able to live, and I don't know how long I can last. Dumb government.

I think I'll stop complaining now and try to look on the bright side of life. Things I am grateful for: A wonderful boyfriend who supports me through everything, who helps when he can and believes in me. He pushes me, challenges me, and inspires me to be the best; to know that it's just a leg in the journey and not the whole journey. My parents who believe in me and help me to keep going, they are the ones who listen and give advice when I feel like my world is falling apart. I'm grateful for education, for the ability to learn and to achieve dreams.

Till next time....